Foodgasm

Last night, after a kickass performance by MN RollerGirls (three fist fights!) and a ridiculous house party, I stayed up far too late to create THIS masterpiece...a baby picture of me...the girl I was and the woman I would become...God, I'm SO deep.


(That is an image of Bruce's actual guitar...I took it last night after he used it on me during one of our sessions of hot hot loving.)

This afternoon, I experienced brunch at Hell's Kitchen on 89 South 10th Street today. Balls. Big, glorious, fertile (but not for a good ten years) balls.

http://www.hellskitcheninc.com/

This has to go down as one of the top three meals I've had at a restaurant (in Minnesota.) TOP THREE! MAYBE EVEN BEST (though I still love you Caribbean Jerked Chicken from Chino Latino!) Everything was so fresh and flavorful. Every bite a testament to my ability to not start touching myself in public when excited. I was so happy when I left that I immediately called a few people who I knew would appreciate a fine, fine meal as much as I.

Seriously, I love good food: eating it, caressing it, taking pictures of it, talking about it, rubbing it on my body as I sing karaoke.

Badonks and I sat at the table, enjoying our french roast coffee, as the sun burst through the giant window and led us forward, into the light.

What I feasted on (words taken from the Hell's Kitchen menu):

Breakfast Bruschetta
Our dense walnut bread is brushed with homemade lemon oil and toasted, then topped with sweetened mascarpone cheese and assorted fresh, seasonal berries $6.95

The Classic All-American Breakfast
Two premium large eggs, toast, Rosti potatoes (freshly-grated potatoes grilled with sweet cream butter, bacon, sweet onions, chives and scallions), and choice of Thick Sliced Smoked Bacon, Hell’s Kitchen Maple Glazed Bison Sausage, or our Slab of Grilled Pit Ham $9.95

The waitress (who looked like a goth version of this Greek girl I know) also brought out homemade peanut butter (holy FUCK), homemade ketchup, homemade blood orange marmalade & homemade blackberry marmalade. I homemade all over the place.

I chose to have my eggs sunny side up and went with the maple glazed bison sausage. After that meal, for a million dollars, I would fuck a bison.

When I called my mom, I told her "you went to church and I went to Hell."

I was saved in the sunny pits of Hell's Kitchen. Further redemption came in the form of the toilet and a sweet session on the track, rowing machine & elliptical. Everything was so worth it.

Yum motherfucking yum yum.

In other news, Bruce Springsteen's reinvention of Ennio Morricone's "Once Upon a Time In the West" is completely beautiful badass.

"The Mission" is one of my all time favorite soundtracks EVER...before music made me really cry, "The Mission" score conjured some serious tears. The master rock 'n roller's guitar work over the master composer's score = MUSICGASM!

Pointless Points I Thought/Obsessed About Today

1) After a previous night's dinner of eleven potstickers (portion control is for pussies when it comes to my Asian delectables), never ever eat a Cliff Bar and a bowl of Kashi Go Lean cereal for breakfast. Never ever. That's about 8,000% of your daily fiber. After any night's dinner, never venture into that morning territory. Ever.

2) When a saleslady quickly tries to get you to hurry up and buy your damn blush, just buy your damn blush and leave. Because when she says "Excuse me but my coworker will ring you up; I have to run an errand" what she really mean is "If you don't leave right now I'm going to crap all over you and your new blush." 8,000% of your daily fiber causes epidemic-like liquification. Never ever. Ever. Ever.



I have never run so fast through jewelry and hosiery. Ever.

3) Watching the American Idol auditions causes me to stress eat. Stress eating hummus and peanut butter is never a good idea after one has been dealt the explosive go's. Deciding not to go to the gym to run and lift, however, is a good idea.

4) Hugh Laurie is my boyfriend. He looks damn fine dressed in jeans and a raggy t-shirt. Especially as he seductively caresses your intestines like a sausage maker. Rawr. Texting Morgie every two minutes during the episode about my awesome boyfriend Hugh and all his awesome imdb facts is definitely fun for BOTH of us!

5) ******24 SPOILER!******** James Cromwell is a far cry away from his sunny days on the farm caring for precious Babe. That'll do, Daddy Dearest, that'll do.



6) Looking up "Babe" on google image will not result in precious images of the piggy Babe for a good, oh, five pages. It will, however, produce a different kind of pork.

6) Series of Six Feet Under are the best gift Video Update in the Quarry could ever give me, especially after the $40 late fine for Ice Princess. Don't ask. The gods of good cinema mock me.

7) The website www.showusyourwiener.com is a goldmine of laughter and euphoria. I bet this l'il guy had HIS 8.000% of daily fiber too!



8) Drinking orange juice then drinking coffee does right afterwards not make either one taste good. Especially when you realize how much that has aided your sky-rocketing fiber intake for the day.

9) Having the superbowl halftime numbers stuck in your head all day is not necessarily a bad thing (no I didn't miraculously start caring about sports...It was a killer halftime show...KILLER!) Especially when you start belting out Purple Rain into a make-up brush, almost at the top of your lungs. The Department Store is your own personal stage.

10) Winter telivision/Netflix is one of the few aspects of my Minnesota seasonal depressive winter self that doesn't want to make me explode. Well...that...and this...




YAY DANCING WITH FRIENDS! YAY THEATRE CREATION WITH FRIENDS! YAY 80'S DANCE VIDEO PLANS WITH UNCLE NONO! YAY STAYING HOME AND NURSING SHREDDED INNARDS WITH HOURS OF WINTER TV! YAY!

Photography by Badonkajohnks. Adobe Innards by Me.

A She-Beast, No More

I just spent the last hour and a half Nairing, shaving, trimming & tweezing.

She shall shed her she-beast skin to be reborn...

A GIRL!

WHO CAN RESIST MY FEMININE WILDS NOW, BOYS?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!



I've spent too long indoors. I am stir crazy. I need to run free.